Did I make the wrong choice?
I laid there confused, praying fiercely, and wanting desperately to burst into tears. So many others thought that it was hilarious, that this was the best night that they could have hoped for, and very quickly it was warping itself into the worst case that I could have imagined.
It was almost four in the morning and I just wanted to sleep. My roommate was across the way from me in her lofted bed, as tipsy as could be, which left me utterly terrified to fall asleep and leave her unsupervised. At the rate she was going she could fall and break her neck.
It was my first night of college, and I was having the worst night ever...
Going in to WSU, I knew it's reputation for being a party school, but I've always been a firm believer in the idea that college is what you choose to make of it - so with that in mind I wasn't too worried about the "party school" reputation. There were so many other things that drew me to the school that I didn't spend much time thinking about the underage drinking and rampant hormonal displays of affection; such as the cougar sense of unity in the "Coug-Nation", the idea of living in a college town, the vast amount of support and recognition that the University gets throughout the entire nation. Sure, the statistics weren't promising, but I've yet to find a college where there is no threat of partying - it is one of those things in life where if you look for it you will always find it...But it's also something that you don't have to look for if you choose not to.
Unfortunately, in being the one person that isn't actively seeking getting hammered you are often met with disdain.
I'm at my University for the summer, I moved straight from orientation into summer session, and because of that people have already found out where the parties are and taken advantage of them. So thus begins my own story...
My roommate met some guys who asked her to come and party with them. She, being a college freshman, couldn't find a reason why not. Now, I'm not her mom, it's not my job to tell her what she can and can't do; but she's a single female girl going out in a college town in the middle of the night with loads of other drunk teenagers around her so I just wanted her to be safe. I brought my car down for the summer, so I gave her my number and told her that if she felt like she was in a dangerous situation, or somewhere where she wasn't comfortable she could call me and I would come pick her up.
I didn't get to crawl into bed until sometime around midnight, and not even half an hour after I had finally fallen asleep I heard my phone start to buzz on the windowsill next to me. I choked out a hello, trying to wake myself up, I had recognized the name but I didn't recognize the voice when I was met with slurred words and giggles. At 1:30 in the morning my roommate was calling me so drunk that she couldn't even talk. My car is parked two blocks away because that's the only parking spot that I could afford for the summer, which meant that when my roommate called asking me to pick her up I had to walk over there in the middle of the night, in the cold, alone.
She was with someone else from up the hall, and between the two of them on the phone I had about three different streets where they could be, but after driving around I couldn't find them anywhere until I took a random side road trying to get back onto the main roadway and found them walking along the side of the road. And thank God that I did, because I was getting frustrated and feeling more than a little vulnerable on the road in the middle of the night with hundreds of other drunk people. Just as I was coaxing the girls into my car two guys walked up the street and the hot mess that was my roommate at this point decided that it would be better to go hang all over them than get into the car. And between flirtatious squeezes all I could hear was a repeated utterance of the phrases "Go Cougs," "I love college," and "I'm so glad that I picked WSU."
After much convincing that it wasn't a good idea to pee in my car and trying to figure my way through a town that I'm still unfamiliar with, I finally got us back to our residence hall where we headed upstairs only to be met by some football players who were still awake and completely intrigued by the unfortunate situation at hand. They weren't rude, or inappropriate, they were just asking what happened and laughing at her drunken state.
We stood out in the hall for a long time, but my car was parked in front of the residence hall where it didn't belong, and the campus police are pretty liberal with arming tickets from my understanding. I told the guys that I needed to take my car back, and asked them if they would just keep an eye on my roommate while I took it back. But one of them was avid about sending the other with me in order for me not to have to walk back to the hall on my own...the other didn't seem to interested. I told them that I would be fine on my own, but by the time that I was walking out to my car he was right behind me.
We drove back over to my permitted lot a couple blocks away, and from the second I stepped out of my car he was already telling me all about how he just got done screwing some girl in our hall "just minutes before we showed up." To spare you, long story short, he was just incredibly disrespectful about all of it, and I wanted to rip my ears off by the time we got back to the dorm.
Upon getting back to my room I couldn't even go to bed because I was busy making sure that my roommate didn't fall out of her own and snap her neck because of the state that she was in. Meanwhile outside our window the campus police had pulled over a group of teenagers and their lights were illuminating our room with blue. So, of course, in her drunken state this caused an uproar, and so I spent a good couple minutes terrified that she was going to get herself into trouble from being so loud.
Finally I made it to sleep...
The next morning I went out for a walk, I needed to clear my head.
I guess it all just sucked because it made me second guess everything about going here. Did I really pick the right university? Did I make the wrong choice in moving hundreds of miles away from my foundation to go to a school that doesn't represent me? Do I really want to be tied to the "Go Cougs" party motto for the rest of my life?
Did I make the wrong choice?
For the past couple weeks, this very question has been a constant for me. A plague that has taken root in my soul. It's a difficult conundrum that I am facing and seeking to triumph over. It's the difference between sleeping and lying awake at night.
Did I make the wrong choice?
I don't know. And I'm not entirely sure how to figure it out, or even if I should know yet. I just pictured college differently. I pictured "Coug-nation" as a school spirited community, not a village full of drunkards. I pictured the "Go Cougs!" chant shouted in exhortation of a school that was widely known for it's academic community and all over community - not it's reputation for making it onto the list of top ten party schools. I pictured something different...
Did I make the wrong choice?
I've become part of a "3 Man Wolfpack," which means that I have been spending the majority of my time with two really awesome guys who completely smash the stereotype of douchey-partying-cougs; and I can't begin to tell you how absolutely refreshing that is. The two of them are amazing guys who never cease to put a smile on my face... and in essence, they are the first friends that I have truly made since moving to Washington, which is huge.
I've been thoroughly enjoying my Ethnic studies class, and my other classes are going well. I've been able to talk to my friends back home, and I'll be going home this weekend to spend a little time with my family for the sake of sanity.
...I'm still not sure if I'm supposed to be here. And I'm not sure that I made the right decision in this university. I've had my fair share of breakdowns and sleepless nights... but, I think, it's finally getting easier.
And that is something that I am holding tight to.
It was my first night of college, and I was having the worst night ever...
Going in to WSU, I knew it's reputation for being a party school, but I've always been a firm believer in the idea that college is what you choose to make of it - so with that in mind I wasn't too worried about the "party school" reputation. There were so many other things that drew me to the school that I didn't spend much time thinking about the underage drinking and rampant hormonal displays of affection; such as the cougar sense of unity in the "Coug-Nation", the idea of living in a college town, the vast amount of support and recognition that the University gets throughout the entire nation. Sure, the statistics weren't promising, but I've yet to find a college where there is no threat of partying - it is one of those things in life where if you look for it you will always find it...But it's also something that you don't have to look for if you choose not to.
Unfortunately, in being the one person that isn't actively seeking getting hammered you are often met with disdain.
I'm at my University for the summer, I moved straight from orientation into summer session, and because of that people have already found out where the parties are and taken advantage of them. So thus begins my own story...
My roommate met some guys who asked her to come and party with them. She, being a college freshman, couldn't find a reason why not. Now, I'm not her mom, it's not my job to tell her what she can and can't do; but she's a single female girl going out in a college town in the middle of the night with loads of other drunk teenagers around her so I just wanted her to be safe. I brought my car down for the summer, so I gave her my number and told her that if she felt like she was in a dangerous situation, or somewhere where she wasn't comfortable she could call me and I would come pick her up.
I didn't get to crawl into bed until sometime around midnight, and not even half an hour after I had finally fallen asleep I heard my phone start to buzz on the windowsill next to me. I choked out a hello, trying to wake myself up, I had recognized the name but I didn't recognize the voice when I was met with slurred words and giggles. At 1:30 in the morning my roommate was calling me so drunk that she couldn't even talk. My car is parked two blocks away because that's the only parking spot that I could afford for the summer, which meant that when my roommate called asking me to pick her up I had to walk over there in the middle of the night, in the cold, alone.
She was with someone else from up the hall, and between the two of them on the phone I had about three different streets where they could be, but after driving around I couldn't find them anywhere until I took a random side road trying to get back onto the main roadway and found them walking along the side of the road. And thank God that I did, because I was getting frustrated and feeling more than a little vulnerable on the road in the middle of the night with hundreds of other drunk people. Just as I was coaxing the girls into my car two guys walked up the street and the hot mess that was my roommate at this point decided that it would be better to go hang all over them than get into the car. And between flirtatious squeezes all I could hear was a repeated utterance of the phrases "Go Cougs," "I love college," and "I'm so glad that I picked WSU."
After much convincing that it wasn't a good idea to pee in my car and trying to figure my way through a town that I'm still unfamiliar with, I finally got us back to our residence hall where we headed upstairs only to be met by some football players who were still awake and completely intrigued by the unfortunate situation at hand. They weren't rude, or inappropriate, they were just asking what happened and laughing at her drunken state.
We stood out in the hall for a long time, but my car was parked in front of the residence hall where it didn't belong, and the campus police are pretty liberal with arming tickets from my understanding. I told the guys that I needed to take my car back, and asked them if they would just keep an eye on my roommate while I took it back. But one of them was avid about sending the other with me in order for me not to have to walk back to the hall on my own...the other didn't seem to interested. I told them that I would be fine on my own, but by the time that I was walking out to my car he was right behind me.
We drove back over to my permitted lot a couple blocks away, and from the second I stepped out of my car he was already telling me all about how he just got done screwing some girl in our hall "just minutes before we showed up." To spare you, long story short, he was just incredibly disrespectful about all of it, and I wanted to rip my ears off by the time we got back to the dorm.
Upon getting back to my room I couldn't even go to bed because I was busy making sure that my roommate didn't fall out of her own and snap her neck because of the state that she was in. Meanwhile outside our window the campus police had pulled over a group of teenagers and their lights were illuminating our room with blue. So, of course, in her drunken state this caused an uproar, and so I spent a good couple minutes terrified that she was going to get herself into trouble from being so loud.
Finally I made it to sleep...
The next morning I went out for a walk, I needed to clear my head.
I guess it all just sucked because it made me second guess everything about going here. Did I really pick the right university? Did I make the wrong choice in moving hundreds of miles away from my foundation to go to a school that doesn't represent me? Do I really want to be tied to the "Go Cougs" party motto for the rest of my life?
Did I make the wrong choice?
For the past couple weeks, this very question has been a constant for me. A plague that has taken root in my soul. It's a difficult conundrum that I am facing and seeking to triumph over. It's the difference between sleeping and lying awake at night.
Did I make the wrong choice?
I don't know. And I'm not entirely sure how to figure it out, or even if I should know yet. I just pictured college differently. I pictured "Coug-nation" as a school spirited community, not a village full of drunkards. I pictured the "Go Cougs!" chant shouted in exhortation of a school that was widely known for it's academic community and all over community - not it's reputation for making it onto the list of top ten party schools. I pictured something different...
Did I make the wrong choice?
 |
| Soon after this incident I went for a walk with one of the guys down the hall from my room, we spent the time having a genuinely refreshing conversation and enjoying the beauty of the campus at dusk...we are now two-thirds of the wolf pack ;) |
Reevaluating "Coug-Nation"
It's been almost three weeks since the beginning of the program and that horrid night. I'm halfway through my summer school...and things are different now. I've made friends, I've spent time off campus, I've spent time with God, I've gotten into my classes, and I am liking it here...but for some reason saying that makes me feel like I'm somehow going to jinx it.... you know, if you believe that sort of thing.I've become part of a "3 Man Wolfpack," which means that I have been spending the majority of my time with two really awesome guys who completely smash the stereotype of douchey-partying-cougs; and I can't begin to tell you how absolutely refreshing that is. The two of them are amazing guys who never cease to put a smile on my face... and in essence, they are the first friends that I have truly made since moving to Washington, which is huge.
I've been thoroughly enjoying my Ethnic studies class, and my other classes are going well. I've been able to talk to my friends back home, and I'll be going home this weekend to spend a little time with my family for the sake of sanity.
...I'm still not sure if I'm supposed to be here. And I'm not sure that I made the right decision in this university. I've had my fair share of breakdowns and sleepless nights... but, I think, it's finally getting easier.
And that is something that I am holding tight to.
 |
| The "wolf pack" on one of our post-dinner adventures. |
-Amethyst
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